The car is completely fixed and checked;
The bolt (or whatever it is) that connects the wheel to the axis was renewed on both wheels (just in case). The wiring for the ABS appeared to be damaged and they didn't close the transmission thing well, after changing the transmission oil, so it leaked oil. But all that is solved as well.
As far as we can tell, we have a well-functioning car now.
Xander, a friend from Eric who looks after our mail in the Netherlands, has helped us get the paperwork for the driver's licence appostilled and sent by DHL, so it should arrive here on Tuesday. From then on we can start the process of doing the theory exam, get a blood test (yes, that is a requirement) and an eye test and hand over the paper work.
Landwise: JF has talked to Rafael (the grandpa of the previous owner) with the following proposal: We don't pay the second half of the landprice anymore and the land still becomes ours.
This because the contract we made is invalid: There should have been water access and electricity, which are both not there. So the land is virtually unsellable for them now. They can't repay the money we already paid (it is spent), so they can't get their land back.
Instead of leaving it as no-mans' land, we propose to finish the deal, pay the costs for the council and the lawyer and in return leave the other half unpaid.
Rafael has not given a yes or no to this yet, but he can see that the situation has to be resolved somehow. And we are not going to put more money in, unless on these terms.
Money wise: we have come up with an idea for a bussiness! It's viability needs to be researched still, but it could be a very good concept. We have contacted our friends (the people from the first airbnb that became friends along the way) in Quito to see if they want to work on it with us and they seem enthusiastic.
So more on this subject when we know more. We will meet with our amigo's in May, during our travelling. Hopefully it will appear to be viable!
Car, driver's licence, income and land were the four main issues we had to work on. Other then that, there was not much to do in these last weeks.
How, then, is it possible that time seems to race past? This month is almost ending and I don't really know where it went.
We have mainly been busy with ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves and each other. With living, while 'waiting' for things to change. With feeling stagnated and held back. With moments of great insights and 'aha' moments. And with precious moments of connection between the 5 of us.
We have tried to come up with projects (like walking in the Loja forest) to make life seem meaningfull, but they are not going smoothly. So life is not in a hurry to give us the illusion of meaning.
I have had a difficult week, this last week.
Our 'steady' day to meet with Nikki and JF is on Saturdays, in Yangana town, for a coffee.
Nikki and I have deep conversations on these mornings. They are usually about the fact that we seem to be falling apart. Everything we thought we were, everything we thought was true, everything we would like to hold on to; it all falls away. Every week we seem to dissolve further.
It is a bit like dying while being alive.
It is triggered by this time in human development in general. I see it everywhere around me.
It is triggered by our own stages in life, nearing 50.
It is triggered by the fact that we are both waiting for things to happen and we have no control whatsoever to make it go faster: We are waiting for the driver's licence part so we can go travelling, they are waiting for their land to be sold in France, so they have the money to go to France and attend the wedding they are supposed to attend. Then come back with a renewed visa and travel through Ecuador.
The issue of 'meaning' comes up a lot in times like these.
I used to have trust that this 'falling apart thing' would have a reason, a meaning and that I will end up in a better place after this. But that trust is gone too.
I can only rely on what I know.
And what I know is this; I AM falling apart. I don't know what/where it will lead to. It feels very uncomfortable. There is no control over anything. Sometimes it scares me, but most of the times I accept it. I can see the basic marrow of what I am at times. And it is very 'bare'. All illusions have to go. And I know that there is no other way.
We saw a movie last week that really portrayed the feeling I am in -sometimes- very well. It is not a nice movie and it leaves you feeling as if you are fluid and nothing is solid anymore. It makes you feel like everything is useless. So I wouldn't recommend it at all if you want to feel good.
They also put some horror elements in there, that were not necessery to bring the point across. The movie is called 'annihilation' (promising title eh).
We are not depressed. No need to worry about us. Just sharing what is happening, because I think it is reassuring to know you are not alone (if you are experiencing these things as well). I know that Nikki -for instance- derives comfort from knowing we suffer together.
If anyone is interested in all the things I have lost, all the things that have fallen away from me (thoughts, convictions, ways of being, character traits, childhood pains, idea's about what one should do or not do), I can share them in another blog. Otherwise I leave it at this.
I am also interested in what you have lost, what has died in you. So if you want to share, please do.
Good luck everyone!