We were all a bit weary of going back to the coast (especially Lem). The memory of heat and humidity were not very appealing. Especially not after the great (sunny, not hot, but pleasant) weather in Quito. Our friends had already let us know they had arrived on the coast and they wondered what we had meant with it being 'hot'. It crossed their minds that it must be due to us being Dutch ('they don't know what hot is!'). Nikki wrote she couldn't even wear shorts, because it was too cold?!
When we drove down from the Andes we could feel the humidity, but it surprised us how 'cool' it was outside. They were right: it was not hot at all. The owner of the airbnb said that last week, all of a sudden, the temperature had dropped. The 'cold' time of the year had started and would last a half year. ('Cold' being around 20-25 degrees.)
They came by to see us that evening, after our 10 hour drive. A quick kiss, hug and talk, because we were too tired for anything else. They would cook us some dinner the next afternoon to catch up when we were rested.
They started their travel a few weeks earlier. They had spent time in Cuenca, in Banos, in the jungle and now in Olon. They would stay there a month and then see where they wanted to spend the next month, before going to France for a month.
Originally the plan had been as follows; we were certain we wanted to live somewhere on the coast. They were going to meet us on the coast to look at some land together. So when we suddenly didn't want to live on the coast and the whole business idea came up, everything changed. To see each other, it now had to be organised.
But did we still want to look at land together? Did we even know what we wanted?
In 2009 I had a vision of a possible future (I suppose). I was sitting in meditation one day, during a 10 days Vipassana and a 'situation' sprung into my mind; I was
walking down a hill in a warm country. I 'knew' I was walking on a community that we had started up, together with others. To my right was a round building. I knew Mar was dancing there. She was
around 15/16 years old. I could see her dance in my mind's eye. (In the time-reality of 2009 Mar was only 5 years old.)
I felt like I was part of a connection between everyone in the community. Somehow I knew what to do and when to do it. I didn't need to think about it. I knew someone was sitting at the entrance to the community, to help visitors find their way. Which meant, I didn't have to do that. I knew Eric was working on the maintenance of a house and he enjoyed talking to passers-by. I knew all these things without having any information about it, other then telepathy. I felt happy being so telepathically connected. I seemed to be part of an organism, everything was 'automatic' and flowing. The sun was shining, to my left were a lot of trees going up another hill. I knew our house was in that direction, on the hill. In front of me was a park-like land, which was communal ground.
It was a short flash of information. It did not require any effort from my side. With fantasies and imagining things; you have to come up with them yourself. This was more like a 'dream' while being awake. The fact that I had another kind of consciousness during this 'flash' then I normally had, was also peculiar; it took me an effort to try and remember it. How telepathy felt for instance, or being part of an organism....
It has been hard over the years not to make more of it, then what had been actually there in the 'flash'. For instance, I wanted to add Beer and Lem to the vision, but in all honesty; I did not
see or feel them there.
Somehow I want to get to this place and timeline, but I have no clue how and no clue where.
When Ecuador came up in a different meditation in 2012, I was hoping this would be 'the' country. But nothing can be forced or pushed in this. I can 'want' this to be in Ecuador, I can 'want' it to happen, but there is no road leading there, other then 'just letting it happen'.
In a way having had the vision makes it harder. I can imagine this is how it must feel after having a near-death experience. People who talk about this, radiate this longing to go back there. But they have to live with what is here, now. However imperfect it might feel in comparison.
I can hope that Nikki and JF are part of the people we will do this with, but they don't know if they want to and I don't know if they will be. They have tried to create a community in France and came across a lot of setbacks. They are still open to the idea, but don't know about the 'how and where' either.
And one thing became clear this week; we-all four of us- don't know where to go and what to do. Not together and not seperately.
Literally; they don't know where they will stay after Olon, they don't know what they want in life. Eric and I only know which next steps to take concerning the business ideas, but that is all. All else is a question mark for us as well.
So if we are not on the coast to find land together, why are we here? We loved to see Nikki and JF, we enjoyed the talks together and recognised changes in each other. That might be a reason. Or is it to simply relax and enjoy? I don't know. It seems like an 'in-between-period' and I see a fear about this in myself. A fear of ending up in looooong stand still, like in Yangana. I don't want to be standing still for so long anymore.
Since Quito I started meditating every morning, again. I noticed (of course) what a change this made in how I would feel during the day. So when I looked at this fear during meditation, I could see that I now have a form of trust 'under' the fear, that this will not be the case. We will not stand still 'long' this time, movement is coming soon enough again. That is what I feel. If this is the actual truth only time can tell. The result of this trust is that I can enjoy the time not doing anything more (??!!).
I can not enjoy a time where nothing happens, when I don't know if it might last 'for ever'. I can, however, enjoy a similar 'time where nothing happens', when I do have a feeling it is not for a long time. Whether this feeling is true or not is actually unimportant. What is important is that it allows me -somehow- to enjoy this time. I seem to be in need of a relating factor in this relativity universe. Seems I am human after all.
So I am 'kind of ok' with this strange week, back on the coast. Where we swim every day, talk with Nikki and JF once every 2 days, look at some more beaches, watch a series in the evening and don't do much else.