I am going to try and write something about myself here. The difficult thing with this is, that you will not read who I am, but what situations I have been in. How I have experienced the things I've gone through and which decisions I have made out of them, probably says a whole lot more about me, so I'll try to open up that part as well.
But anyway, starting with the bare facts...
My name is Tanja Smeets. I am 49 years old, married with Eric, mother of 4 children. living currently in Spain and I graduated as a midwife in the Netherlands in December 2000. I worked in the Netherlands for 10 years total and in New Zealand for 6 years as a midwife. From a young age on I have been aware of my clearvoyant abilities. Literally; I could clearly see my own issues and the issues of others. I had a lot of insight in this. Figuratively: I also had paranormal experiences.
From the age of 16 on, I felt a strong 'calling' to go into midwifery. During my study I noticed already that what I had felt the calling to, had very little to do with what current midwifery was about. I could hardly drag myself through my studies; it went totally against what I 'felt' was right. This caused a lot of stress in me. Untill about -at least- 2 years after my studies, I had nightmares about the inhumaneness that was expected of me in the care for women.
I was hoping that if I could work independently, I could start doing this differently.
In New Zealand I worked in a hospital for 1 year and 4-5 years in a very remote area, where many home births and water deliveries were common. The hospital was a 2.5 hours drive or 1 hour helicopter flight away from that area.
In 2010 - while still living in New Zealand - I experienced a burn-out.
I went through great inner changes that "forced" me to become more honest and transparent. I did not know how to put this into practice in my work, given how the health care system works. After this I took a break from work for a few years to look at 'who am I' and 'why do I do what I do'. The strong feeling I developed during my study came back; that something was 'off' in how I thought it should be and how it actually is in Birth Care. And the fact that I had adjusted to how it 'is', instead of working how I felt it should be (so; being faithfull to myself) had caused the burn-out.
When we went to live in Australia after that, I involved myself in a lot of things that could give me more insight into myself. For example; a 5-day intensive with Michael Roads, a Vipassana, full moon and new moon circles with friends, spending a weekend in the desert with the oldest-still existing people in the world, give an intensive about self-love together with a friend, etc.
It was a giant transformation I went through, there. If I ever thought I knew who Tanja was, that certainty was taken out from underneath me. From the last months we spent in Australia (right before returning to the Netherlands) I only remember sitting outside on a chair being still. It was so calm 'in me'. The last book I ever read, I read then. It was called "conversations with God'. I realised, through reading this book, that I could talk with the highest part in myself and didn't need to read anymore books to grow. Because I had all the answers inside me.
And it proved to work that way; from then on I found the answers to my questions by meditating and asking 'me'.
Since 2013 I have started working again in the Netherlands; I had more insight in myself and my motivation to do things or to leave things. I also had a much
clearer picture of how I could put this to practice into 'midwifery'. Part of this was taking 1-2 hours per so called pregnancy consultation. Eventually this turned in to 5 years of giving
intensive counselling to pregnant couples and other people; I was asked more and more purely for couselling.
I also decided to use my clairvoyance and insights openly in my work. This had many advantages: I could make clairvoyant contact with the baby and help women do this themselves. I was able to support women in getting more in tune with their bodies during pregnancy and help to heal all kinds of upcoming issues. Some women wanted to become familiar with meditation techniques so that they could do this at home. And with theta healing a lot of unwanted deep convictions could be cleared up. Like convictions with regard to being pregnant ('I can't become pregnant'), becoming a mother ('as a mother I lose myself'), giving birth ('giving birth is painfull'). Many fathers also participated in these sessions, through which relations between the parents deepened and the fathers also gained more insight into their own obstructive convictions with regard to 'fatherhood' or their partner.
How much I learned from these sessions! Almost every person I encountered, came with an issue I recognised in myself. That person actually gave me the possibility to solve this issue in myself, by helping her or him with it.
I learned most (off course) from the people I found it difficult to bond with. They gave me the opportunity to look at my fears and shadow sides, which, as a result, helped me improve the contact.
I have been present at more than 1000 deliveries, every birth unique. I have seen people in their most powerful and their most vulnerable moments (usually both at exactly the same time), which makes me feel very honored.
Women birthed everywhere: outside in the grass, indoors on the floor, in a birthing pool (outside or inside), in the hospital, on a birthing stool, hanging on their partner, on the couch in the living room, in a teepee tent, at home -but actually with a medical indication to give birth in the hospital. All possibilities, everywhere. The most important thing for me was that they chose the place themselves.
Sometimes non-pregnant people came to me with 'ordinary' life questions, recurring problems, issues related to upbringing of their children. They had heard from friends about how I worked and decided that they might be helped with this.
In addition, I gave insight-courses to colleagues, which taught me how to work with groups. I found that a bit scary to do, in the beginning. But in that time I had adopted a sort of Pipi Longstocking way of being; 'I have never done it, so I should be able to do it.' I also had the support of dear friends during these weekend, with whom I could work together.
Because of my way of working, I got the name 'holistic' or 'alternative'. It took a lot of courage (sometimes I had to drag this courage out of me) to continue to work the way I thought was best.
I have worked (and fought) in the Netherlands for 5 years for the autonomy of pregnant and birthing women in the 'normal' birth care system. This met with a lot of resistance from the healthcare. After multiple collisions with colleagues, hospitals and the Healthcare Inspectorate, I stopped working as a midwife and wrote myself out of the BIG register because I no longer wanted to adapt to the requirements of the system.
They would be happy to be rid of me and actively tried to make it impossible for me to work, in many different ways. Later, a disciplinary court judgment - after a case against me that was mainly about file formation - corresponded with my own conclusions in this and I can only be relieved about my choices. Although, at the same time, it has also been an extremely painfull period in my life, the year around this court case.
I have accumulated a lot of experience and insight over the years, so I decided to extend this work more into counseling, because I love people and know what my skills are. Next to that it is also essential to my own growth.
This is probably why 'something' in me keeps pushing me this way. Also when my mind thought that I was going to go in a different direction, this illusive part in me made sure that here I stand -again- anyway.